I am not a parent but I have lots of friends and relatives who are. They differ in their approaches to parenting (at least based on my own observations) and their children all have unique gifts, some more traditionally impressive, some not. Some think corporal punishment is okay but they never hit their kids. Some prefer "naughty steps" when their kids act up inappropriately and might, in frustration, give their kids a whack on the behind. Some are more permissive than others. Some are conservative; some are liberal in their politics. Some are wealthy; some struggle every day to pay their bills on time. All are doing the best they can, at least as far as I can tell.
I just walked my sister down the aisle (a stand-in for my deceased stepfather, one of the nicest guys and best parents on the planet) and looked at the crowd at the reception. Few children were there but I still know the kids. The successful ones of my generation share a few traits that I believe are essential.
No matter what ambitions you have for your kids, it usually includes an independent life with a good job and lots of friends and opportunities to learn and grow as people.
This is a long introduction from a person who has participated in the hiring of scores of people. In a tough economy, hiring managers have more choices among candidates. You may disagree with everything I am about to say or dismiss my comments as coming from a guy who has never been a parent, but I think that there a few things any parent can do to make their kids stand-outs wherever they go.
1. Teach them to speak standard English (and Spanish if you can). There is nothing worse than going through an interview with a person who can't verbally communicate. The only thing worse than that is a candidate who thinks I need to hear the F-bomb in an interview. Trust me. It happens more than you think it does.
2. Make sure that they can write cohesively and to adjust their writing style to the particular audience that will read it. You probably have no idea how many lawyers pass a bar exam and can barely put together a cover letter. They will thank you later because their resumes won't be tossed in the shredder. Teach them how to write a proper thank you note and to do so in their own hand with paper and envelopes. It's a lost art that hiring managers love.
3. Teach them proper table manners even if you don't care about them at home. If your kid wants a white-collar job, chances are they will have to attend luncheons, dinner parties and other events. Things like licking your knife, buttering an entire slab of bread and devouring it like it was a pizza, or making negative comments about the menu may be okay at home but their bosses won't send them to meetings on their own, no matter how smart they are. The job won't last long at that point. Also, the admonition to clean one's plate may apply at home but your kid will get noticed for the wrong reason at a client lunch. Getting into the habit of reading modern novels (they should already know the classic ones) gives a potential or new hire something to talk about socially without offending anyone.
4. Unless your son or daughter wants a career in politics, few businesses need to hear your kid's take on trickle down economics or other opinions that have nothing to do with the mission of the company.
5. Television dramas notwithstanding, back-biting, gossipy, wise-asses get into lots of trouble. That doesn't mean they should not confront bad people, but it should be done professionally.
6. Teach your kids how to dress for the job they want. If your kid is being considered for a job as a lawyer, dress like one. If they get the job, they should observe how others dress and avoid making a fashion statement. The longer they stay in the job, the more they can play around with the dress code or, even better, if they get enough promotions, they can set the dress code themselves. I once interviewed a prospective candidate that didn't bother to tie his tie or iron his shirt. He either didn't care about the job or prefers after-hours bar crawls to gainful employment.
7. If they have a Facebook or My Space page, make sure that they understand that hiring managers will find it and read it. I guarantee that the person doing the hiring will consider your kid to be a fool if her social networking makes her sound that way.
To me, those are the big ones. Add some more.
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2 comments:
AMEN, BROTHER! Over the course of the past several months I have had the "pleasure" of interviewing 20-30 candidates for entry-level positions. I am constantly amazed by the lack of preparedness of most interviewees, regardless of age. Dressed in inappropriate clothing, facial piercings, and unable to string a coherent sentence together if you spotted them a noun and a verb. I try to ask as many open-ended questions as I can, but too many times I can see that a lot of these folks either don't grasp the point of the question or don't have the critical thinking skills to answer them. I always end my interviews with this question: "why should I hire you instead of the other people I have or will interview for this position?" Unfortunately I have had more than a couple answer "I don't know". I realize my pool of candidates is from the lowest rung of the socio-economic ladder of upstate New York, but sometimes I feel like banging my head on the table.
I would certainly spot a few points to the poorest and least well-prepared for a standard interview. I admit that I am not the greatest interviewee in the world. I would care less about many of the things that I mentioned but basic communications skills and looking presentable (even the cheapest shirt looks good ironed out) tells me that they actually care. At the lower end on the food chain of jobs, that counts for a lot. Some parents are ill-equipped to set an example for their kids so I wonder why more high schools don't try to teach those kinds of skills instead of guidance offices throwing everything they have at college-bound students. I remember very vividly the one meeting I had with my guidance counselor when I had attempted to register for a BOCES class in basic auto mechanics for my junior year. (Ididn't want to become one. I did, however, want to know how to fix my own car or not get ripped off at a garage.) He told me that he crossed it out and then lectured me about how I needed to become a computer programmer. The best question: "Do you have any idea what your IQ is?" I told him that I didn't want to know because admissions people at university's don't really care about that. After I told him that I had no interest or aptitude for that kind of career (remember, this was the early 80s) he said that a BOCES course listed on my transcript would guarantee me a spot at a lousy college. I was as polite as I could manage, never took the course and never went back to that high school. I took my senior year at the local junior college (Beckie can tell you that 10 of us made a simmilar decision) and you know the rest.
I think we do a great disservice to kids who might not be ready for or interested in undergraduate work. Probably the only thing on which I ever agreed with George W. Bush (assuming he actually believed what he was saying) was the subtle but devastating and discriminating effect of low expectations.
The smarter kids, especially ones with functioning parents, can usually overcome that. The rest aren't necessarily doomed but lose years of their productive working lives before realizing that they needed more training than they got.
My father's widow was lucky enough to get a job with GM a couple of decades ago but found out that the company had a tuition reimbursement program. She opted in and after completing course by course for more than a dozen years, I got to attend her graduation with a B.S. in business. She was 48 when she finished and still worked for GM.
They're closing her plant in Delaware. She thanks her lucky stars that unlike the men on the assembly line that laughed at her, she can confidently walk into any office,handle an interview and get a new job to replace the one that was ripped away from her. I wish that she would visit every school in her state and just tell her story. If 2% of kids understood or cared, it would be a good thing.
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