Monday, March 7, 2011

Is it possible to listen on the Internet?

I suppose that the answer to the question posed in the title suggests the answer. I am not convinced that "listening" is easy based on text. I have run into this problem more than once and each time, I got it wrong. There is too much left unsaid. It's almost impossible to interrupt at the right moment to explain oneself. There will always be lingering questions about what the sender meant and what the recipient thought. When I am trying to be my best self I try to follow my own advice: it does not matter what your intentions were when you wrote to someone; what really matters is how it is perceived by the recipient. That may sound "politically correct" to some, but most of what people complain about being "politically correct" is more properly described as polite and loving. If the internet exchange is purely transactional or otherwise socially innocuous, it does not matter as much. If the exchange is personal, email is a poor substitute for a telephone call or airline ticket. You can hug a loved one even when you are angry with them. As a person is writing, you won't know if they were shedding a tear as they did so. If you don't know, you are in no position to ask why and that question you did not know to ask might be the key to understanding everything the person is feeling because it prompts a question or two. Technology permits so much back-and-forth. (I won't say "communication" because I have come to believe that there are far too many grades of communication to call every keystroke communication in its proper context.) Often, it seems like a substitute for real communication, a way of saying we are communicating without actually communicating. I'm working on this. I'll continue to get it wrong sometimes. I am grateful for the technology that permits various forms of communication than would otherwise be available but it cannot take the place of the real thing when it comes to one's closest friends and family.