Healing

Despite recent poll numbers, it is hardly clear that Barack Obama will win this election. But if he does - and does so with a substantial majority of the popular vote - my party runs the risk of turning a presumed mandate into a terrible mess in the 2010 election cycle. Both parties have a history of becoming smug and believing that an election victory is an opportunity to shove it in the other's face. Each has used its "mandates" to attempt more change (admittedly some change for the better in some cases) than is realistic or even desired by the electorate.

Will we learn from past mistakes? I think that there are a few things we can all do to pull back from a nasty campaign and begin to build some bridges with those who believe that we are just a bunch of spendthrift, Volvo-driving, latte-drinking, Prada-wearing windsurfers who want to take away everyone's guns, shutter churches and smelt flag pins.

If you don't think this is important, consider this: on November 5th, the losers will spend a day licking their wounds and on November 6th hatch a strategy to 1) stop change from happening; 2) enlist an army of angry folks to donate money and run for every local, state and national office there is. They'll need to scare the daylights out of folks in order to do it effectively. If they are smart, they will ask potential supporters to recall conversations with their neighbors and friends who disagree with them.

In that spirit, a little unsolicited advice:

1. Keep some things to yourself. Be gracious. When you speak to your Republican/conservative friends and neighbors (yes, you certainly have some), don't snicker about the choice of Sarah Palin as VP candidate or otherwise make clever or cute comments about how poorly the RNC ran its campaign. Nobody likes a wise-assed winner.

2. If you have an issue that is near and dear to your heart, do your best to personalize it rather than politicize it. If I hated anything during the last 8 years, it was a Republican who tried to lecture me on supply-side macro-economics, the fundamental underpinnings of traditional marriage or the original intent of the framers of the Constitution. If marriage equality were my big issue, I would talk about it in terms of promoting stable, loving relationships and a more generous view of "family values" and point out that there is no real marriage out there that is threatened by constructing a bigger tent. When our policy views are supported by real human stories, they resonate much more deeply and chip away at the us-versus-them mentality that pervades so much of our politics.

3. Find common ground. "I know that we both care about young people finding good jobs in this community rather than having to move far away and I think we need to try new ways of making that possible" is a much better way to start a conversation than "60 billion spent to create green jobs will do a whole lot more to keep your kid within driving distance of your house than waiting for something to trickle-down from some investment banker." The first line makes you a good neighbor who gives a damn. The second one is the fastest way to be unfairly labeled the Socialist F*** Down the Street.

4. Don't confuse being gracious with being weak. Listen carefully to what you are hearing from folks who express anger or fear about the election results. If these folks are anything like me, they developed a very personal, vested interest in their candidate and what they believed he represented. In order to get there, they more than likely developed some very jaundiced views about the other guy. Unless they are talking about violence, it's not necessary to defend against every attack. It is far more useful to listen and try to understand where it is coming from and to point out in a non-patronizing way that you really believe that the world will get better and that they will not lose out because their guy didn't win. (By the way, if they're advocating violence, double-lock your door, go on-line to get the number and report it to the Secret Service. Make sure you give the correct address.)

5. Dump your own anger. When your guy wins, it's an opportunity to move forward and fix what you think is broken. Telling those who "lost" that (insert issue) is a mess because of these @#$%&*@#$% neo-cons gets you absolutely nowhere in fixing the problem. If you have to express it, find your like-minded friends and have a good rant and, if it's by email, no forwarding to unknown addresses permitted.

None of the above are original ideas. They are all variations on what our mothers taught us all along. It's more a way of life than a political strategy but it sometimes seems to me that we imagine that life's lessons don't apply to politics. As naive as it may seem, I believe that they do.

Palin's Clothes

I'm no fan of Sarah Palin, but what on Earth are we doing spending time talking about her clothes or the RNC's spending on them? It's plain old sexism and ignores the fact that women are judged by different standards than men are. I will agree that $150K sounds excessive, especially when cast against the economy and McCain's populist message, but I really couldn't care less whether Governor Palin wears Prada or Walmart. I care what she thinks and where she would take us.

Here is the test: If the RNC had made a different decision and spent $1500 on thrift store clothes for its VP candidate and then touted its decision as a reason to vote for the ticket, would you be swayed? I hope not. It's about the issues. Sure, we can say that it is hypocritical to talk about Joe Sixpack while shopping at Saks but that isn't exactly very revealing about who is best to lead the country. Spending on clothes is not what makes the RNC seem tone-deaf. Its policy positions do the job very nicely.

There is nothing wrong with a good fight, but...

I'll start with a disclaimer. I am opinionated. I would likely be classified by lots of folks as left of center. I live in New York City. I am gay. If that was the whole story, I wouldn't waste my time expressing my opinions or asking for yours. You would know exactly what to expect from me and I would either love or hate your perspective.

But the whole story - just like yours, I suspect - would fill a book. Even though I live in New York City now, I grew up on a dairy farm. I went to a great university with lots of help from scholarships, government grants and loans. I paid my own way through law school. I have been a labor organizer and spent many years in management for a big employer. I love my partner of 15 years but, although I care about marriage equality, it is not at the top of my list of issues that will change my vote in an election. I worry about the economy not just for myself, but for my young sister who is just getting started and for my mother who is retired and wants to live her life with dignity. I worry about my hometown that has struggled for two decades to keep and expand job opportunities. I worry about my friends who come from every socio-economic strata you can imagine. Many have young kids and are afraid about the future.

How do we finally find some common ground? How do we speak honestly with each other without cutting each other off? How do we get past old prejudices and honor lives that we don't always understand? How do we get rid of the fear of changing our opinions when the evidence is clear that we need to reconsider old habits of mind?

If your posts try to answer some of these questions and do it respectfully, here is your forum. Yes, it's true that I'll be the judge of whether you met that modest standard, but I promise you that I won't censor opinions because they don't necessarily go along with mine.

Let's start something.